hard to remind myself there's more to life than good grades, good schools, good jobs. that's all we're ever told is important. 6 points, triple As, ivys/oxbridge/nuslaw/nusmed, first class honors & summa cum laudes, honors & masters & phds, outstanding starting pay, the unprecedented rise to the very top, the momentous impact a young man/woman of only 2_ has had in the success of this _ pte ltd. so fucking sick of it, of having these expectations to live up to, of WANTING to live up to them. for who? for what? like the poem says, I'm so tired.

in a bid to shake myself from this stupor and enjoy life as I'm living it, I proposed to my mother that this year my sister and I would take charge of christmas decorations. the christmas tree, a wreath on the door, holly wrung around the staircase and frosted windows. I really like christmas. I like that it's a time of peace (most of the time). I like that all I feel is a happiness that only comes with christmas. I like that there's a meaningful story behind christmas, I like that that story saved my life. I like christmas carols, I like christmas food, I like presents. I like that christmas is a family thing. I like that last year my family automatically bought presents for Gus (even my extended family). I like Frank Sintra or Bing Crosby or Josh Groban belting out christmas tunes, I like that everyone knows the lyrics to "All I Want For Christmas Is You" by Mariah Carey, but they all also know the lyrics to "We Are The Reason" by Avalon. so I like that I'm doing something proper this christmas... if there was anything about christmas I ever wanted was to have a white christmas. so far I still haven't gotten that chance, but I believe one day I will.

I think that happy, magical feeling I always feel is because it's Jesus' birthday. like.. there's something more to it than simply the presents and the decorations; it's truly a day to be happy about. the fate of our entire lives was basically dependent on whether the events of 25th december, 2000 years ago, went the way they did (excluding any controversy regarding the actual day of His birth, let's assume it was 25th dec). quite amazing, isn't it? how could you not celebrate it? if I could I'd let it be christmas all year long