feel like I am finally settling into a good block of learning. I went for French and enjoyed myself. I went for European politics, sat nearer to the front and paid attention. learnt new things and it feels good. that's how I want to always feel when I sit in a lecture, like I am absorbing, like I don't want to constantly rush out of there just to feel like my time isn't being wasted (*SEA studies*). so that's good. I like our French lecturer a lot, today he said when you learn a new language, you aren't merely learning syntax - it is learning a whole new culture, a whole new world, and that's what makes language beautiful. he's a stickler for originality - cheese with French names MUST be from France or they will taste like shit, same goes with fake wine from Australia bearing Italy's flag.

also, eau de vie literally translates into 'water of life', but in French it means pure alcohol. HAH wow

at night I met Gus and we went to eat super good dimsum at Jalan Besar. I ate so much I was close to puking. then he sent me home and we lay in bed. I told him about all the thoughts I'd been having, all the feelings of inferiority, all the concerns that had been plaguing me so badly the past few days. I told him about incidents that made me really upset. he was quiet while I spoke on and on. when I finished telling him about how inadequate I feel in school, or in general, he said simply "you know none of that is true." while it doesn't exactly suffice in quelling my emotions, it is a reassuring thing to say, that at least ONE person, one person who matters, doesn't think I am a failure

and ever since I could drive, I've realised why children reaching the legal age to drive is such a worry. when Gus drives off every night I cannot be at peace until he tells me he's home. I want to bombard him with messages telling him to drive safely, but I don't want him to be distracted while he drives. someone like Gus makes me worry that much, imagine how much more your own child would worry you.

things to happen soon:
1. lecture by thomas friedman on monday
2. cny
3. valentine's day
4. eagles concert
5. hopefully get selected to go watch the parliamentary budget debate