SO after watching american idol, Gus & I lay in bed and we fell asleep. or I fell asleep. he had to leave soon and I was supposed to fetch him, but he kissed me on the forehead and said it was okay because I was tired, then let himself out. last night after we devoured a huge meal of pepperoni's pizza + ice cream from island, I fell asleep in the car when we were supposed to go back to his place, but he sent me home instead. I am so fortunate. in times like these I get really depressed thinking about leaving, thinking about not being able to so tangibly see how much he loves me and cares for me. thinking about how everything about him to me will no longer be touch or smell, but how everything about him will become pixelated and laggy and unclear. in times like these I doubt my decision but I must push through. a lot of people tell me, "but NUS is a good school what. see the rankings" and after looking at the rankings I become disinclined to believe anything about them. all of the rankings say different things about different schools. why must I believe any particular one? although I do acknowledge that NUS is a really good school, I think rankings do not credit any university any sort of leverage over another

tomorrow will be a good day I think. after school ends at 2pm we are headed to the new house for a swim!!! no furniture in there or anything, but the pool's alright and we're gonna spend the day there doing nothing. seems pretty fun. then on Saturday morning at 7am I am getting on an airplane and headed to Burma for a week! I haven't even packed yet. we are carrying only carry-ons because all our luggage weight has been taken up for the clothes to be donated. Gus and I are going to wear the clothes we want to donate, so that by the end of the trip we won't be bringing anything back.

in the meanwhile I have started on We by Yegnevy Zamyatin. this is the work that inspired George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. it is quite different from Orwell in that the protagonist is completely and irrevocably in awe of the One State. when I am done with it I will talk about it a little bit more

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OMG I'm damn pissed. just now I ordered macs. normally it's a young guy riding a bike coming to deliver the stuff right? today it took unusually long and I was about to complain for having to wait so long. but when the guy arrived, I went outside to take the food, and it was a damn old chinese man riding the bike. he looked damn small carrying the huge, square bag with the food PLUS it was raining. this man was old okay, like he could be my grandfather. he was fit of course, but STILL OLD. he was struggling to open the bag that he had to carry, fumbling with the zips and stuff so I had to help him. not only that, he couldn't read the receipt and had to ask me to help him read it.

do I sound like I am complaining cos he is damn old? trust me, I am not. I FELT SO BAD. like I felt angry with myself for ordering macs, because I made this old man drive down to my house in the rain to satisfy my hunger. not only that, but: FUCK YOU MACS. no fucking worker welfare. I understand he has to do the job he is assigned but IF IT'S RAINING, THE ROADS ARE SLIPPERY AND IT'S DARK OUT, CAN YOU BE MORE COMPASSIONATE? this is something I talked to Gus about the other day. I said, do you think it's fair that a lot of old people have to do such shitty jobs, like cleaning and petrol station attendants? and he said, if they don't do that they have no jobs and no income. BUT THERE MUST BE A BALANCE, RIGHT? I don't know. does the government do enough to help these people? CPF, yes. but how is it possible that while you're driving down the street there is an old man sweating and pushing a huge cart of cardboard crap for god-knows-what reason in a fairly developed country like Singapore? I know retraining and upgrading of skills is promoted for these old people, but some people are simply too old to have these things be effective for them.

and the other question is, WHERE ARE THEIR KIDS? where are those fuckers? I fucking hate people who grow up to abandon their parents and leave them to fend for themselves. FUCK YOU ungrateful bastards, H8 H8 H8. there must be a balance here, I don't know enough to be able to see if that line has been drawn or blurred or never drawn, etc. but there really must be a proper balance...

night ruined by social cleavage of singaporean society

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