i realized i was getting old today. bert was telling me all about her friends who've gone on exchanges (only six months ok) and ended up breaking up with their boyfriends/girlfriends because of the distance. then i thought about going on exchange, and how i would be so devastated if gus and i broke up because of that. and then i thought about how i'd get over losing him. and i realized, dear god. i can't do it the way i would've, say, a year or two ago. i can't go out to the club and get drunk and forget my sorrows like that. for god's sake i'd be like 22 or something! a 22 year old getting drunk in velvet, or worse, phuture.. bopping around with 18 year olds and 16 year olds with C cups. yuck. no. that thought depresses me more than the thought of breaking up haha. but whatever, yeah, that's how i realized i was getting old. gus told me he realized it when someone told him, enjoy uni it's the last years of fun. and he said he was dreading the moment where he understands that for the rest of his life, he's just going to wake up at 7am, go to work, go home, eat, sleep, wake up and do everything again. for the rest of his life. and i said, but you will come home to a nice drink and dinner that i will make because my job will be all flexible so i get better working hours and shit not because i am fulfilling any sorts of womanly, domestic obligations. let's just be clear on that

my non-disinterest in school has been wearing thin into mild disinterest. this is bad. recess week is in two weeks which means almost half the sem is gone. if you think about it it's ridiculously fast. disinterest and laziness have direct correlations of course, which means this whole week (it is now thursday) i have done a grand total of 1 reading... i even skipped french tutorial because i was so lazy and wanted to sleep. on the other hand at least my pol & the visual presentation is over! i think it went as well as a five minute presentation can go i.e. very average. one guy tried to shoot me down. "have you watched the movie? have you read the graphic novel?" YES & YES MOTHAFUCKA

dinner at white rabbit tonight.. my brother is back in town.

keep thinking nowadays, who cares what anybody else thinks. there's no time or space for that...

also time to exercise. bert and i have yoga sessions to attend but it's difficult finding the time. but i have to before i'm suddenly 10 kg heavier and start getting remarks like, "you're looking... healthier.." i wish i had a more well-rounded life.