the past few days i've felt quite alright, i think the 'missing you' part was growing in such small increments i did not notice, which is good and bad. but tomorrow you're coming home and i start to tick off a list in my mind of the things i want from you that i was not able to get when you were gone: a hug, a kiss, a joke, a bad joke, a body, a smell, a smile. entertaining thoughts of making sure i look good when i pick you up tomorrow so you will be as happy to see me as i am to see you. i am pleased with myself, how i have managed the past week, seems trivial to others but is a big deal to me

'things change' he said
but some things, i think
you will regret
allowing to change
and you will always find
your hand in the cookie jar

you will catch yourself
and handcuff your own wrists
and throw away the key
for a long time
no matter what anyone says
i think it is part of
'healing'

but why should you want to have to heal in the first place