Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) directed by Michel Gondry

     

      

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot?
The world forgetting and the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
Each prayer accepted and each wish resigned
-- Alexander Pope

this movie is so famous there's hardly any need to get into it. i can't believe i've taken so long to watch it, but it was beautiful in more ways than one. i thought jim carrey was so great, i couldn't believe it was him. i think this film easily weaseled its way into my favourites list, and i admit i felt my hearts open the door for it.

the only thing i wanted to note was why i think i might have felt so strongly about it. i didn't know this film was about forgetting the people who have hurt you or made you feel like shit. not so long ago i had this thought. what if i never ever knew anybody in my life who matters to me. what if i had grown up all alone. sure, i'd be lonely as hell, but i would never know loss. i would never know what it was like to be hurt. i would never have to cry over somebody and feel that ache that only comes with losing a part of you.

what if i had never known Gus?

right now i'd say that is such bullshit, of course i want to know him. that's unconditional. i'm super duper happy that he's in my life. but if the time comes where simply looking at him makes me choke on my own tears -- how lovely it would be to wake up one morning and not know who he was at all.

the film concludes that attempting to forget bad memories goes hand in hand with forgetting the good. trying to lose all the hurt means losing everything beautiful that ever existed together with that memory. and that it basically isn't worth it. yes, it hurts, but there is a sacred ebb of light that thrives on a love that once was wholesome and untainted that should not be touched.

a coward would erase everything and choose not to remember anything at all
but a real man chooses to see that the beauty in loss is that you even had it in the first place

that is something i'm trying to learn
but it makes me cry