Do you ever feel lost without that person you want to be with? Don't because you are your own compass and you can guide your own feet and you can find your own water and you can survive on your own regardless of who is by your side and I think that is what it means to be happy.

Today after coffee I was driving home and there was a jam on nicoll highway so half the time the car wasn't moving and I was just sitting there looking at other people stuck in their cars as well and people on the sidewalks and all. I'm not sure what it was exactly. I saw the people jogging and walking, huffing and puffing and being energetic. Then I looked at the people in cars and it was just husbands not talking to wives, iphones and silence, sad men in business shirts staring sadly out the windows of their BMWs... it was like these metal boxes were making everyone depressed and helpless and deflated. I thought it was really discouraging, this scene, so I forced myself to try to look on the positive side of things. Look at the sky and feel grateful. Feel happy looking at the people putting effort to run their kilometres. I saw a taxi uncle who parked his taxi on the side of the road, sitting in the passenger seat with the door open and his legs out the car, just staring at the construction of the new stadium at kallang. It loomed pretty big from the roadside. I looked at him for the longest time and he never moved, his neck arched and his head pointed up. I felt good when I saw this, that people can still feel amazed or in awe of certain things, natural or man-made.

When I went for coffee I walked into the cafe thinking, I love everyone here, although I probably don't, but it immediately put me in a better mood. It felt more peaceful, more amiable, more welcoming. I don't know. I wish love, like love in the most generic sense shone out of every pore of my body. I'm tired of feeling anger and hate and all these negative feelings that build up everyday or creep in from nowhere. And to say 'love' is such a complex thing. I think all I mean is to have good and caring feelings towards everyone and everything. Honestly I'm so tired of being dragged down by anger, unforgiveness... but it's the hardest thing sometimes to let go of your baggage because so much of yourself is in it. You don't believe that you'll actually be free.