I refuse to let my optimism fall. after a tutorial where, save me, everything was not confusing, but nothing I would've ever thought of. which is worse than things just being confusing. that was not encouraging at all. nevertheless I just tell myself, it's okay, I'll revise it and go for consults and things will be better. nothing wrong with asking for a little help. then our geog project didn't do very well either. as you can see university is kind of kicking my ass. also, the other day Gus delivered some crushing news: he won't be around for my birthday. SAD SAD SAD.

and then I realised I lost Bert's notes (she is very emotionally attached to them) and I felt so shitty because it's very irresponsible of me. and it just culminated on top of the tutorial thing, so I decided to go supersearch for them. I turned over every room in the house, everywhere everywhere and I was standing my living room feeling like an idiot and such a bad friend. then I opened the piano chair, just in case, and there it was. not sure of the details, but it made me feel 1) relieved 2) like things can only get better 3) studied my pol science chapter which makes me feel like my body has expanded with knowledge

the only way to go is up
I wrote in my planner
"a possibly false fact you must force yourself to believe: HARD WORK PAYS OFF"
i say possibly false because I have seen tonnes of cases where hard work never pays off, but because of the off chance that it does, I must force myself to believe it. on that note, back to how we are all suffering from false consciousness and unaware of the state's exploitation of us as resources