does this make you hungry

What holidays mean: endless lolling about doing nothing. Pure joy. I have already been quite open about the fact that friends at my disposal for hanging out are very little, so most of my pictures are with Gus. Perhaps without him I would be quite lonely and desperate for friends, so I must be thankful that I have him. Then again, I think if I was not with Gus I probably would have more friends. But I don't see myself fancying that arrangement significantly more than what I have at the moment. Friends are important, yes, fine. But friends also come and go. Along that strand I have chosen to keep close to me the one friend I know is not likely to leave me when the going gets tough, or when the winds of change threaten to pull us apart. The same way that normal friends eventually lose grip of each other I have higher hopes that my friendship (not relationship) with Gus can weather through it.

I would rather spend time growing this friendship with Gus and sow some investment, have some kind of insurance that somebody is there for me, as opposed to spending time with others who are likely to leave me once things become inconvenient, become disadvantageous/non-beneficial. It is cynical to think most people are like that (and I do have friends that are not like this at all -- you know who you are, hopefully) but I think it is realistic, and the sooner people realize that the longer they can spend time with ones that truly matter.

My French lecturer once explained to us the difference between "des amis", "mon ami" and "des copains". Basically, "ami" and "copain" all refer to some kind of companionship. But there is a clear distinction, and he said it in this way:

"People you do not tell your secrets to but you hang out with, they are your 'copains'. People you do tell your secrets to are your 'amis' and you do not have many of them. Maybe two or three. Your best friends. And if you say 'mon ami', that means that person is yours ('mon' means mine) and that nobody else can have him/her." 

That is quite a succinct way to put things. I think about how many copains I have and there are a number who I meet here and there. Then I think about how many amis I have and I can pinpoint specifically three, people I have called in the middle of the night to cry to (like I literally have so you should know who you are). And I think about the fact that I am allowed to say 'mon ami' in its correct usage and I am glad. Our relationship will be two years old next month. I think about how long my parents have been married, and my grandparents, and I know two years is almost nothing. But it seems a milestone to me and I think... I think I'm proud of us.