do dogs evaluate the level of content they feel in their lives
do they ever think 'i'm bored'
i would like to be a dog for one day and feel happy

not-so-secret dreams (just unrealistic ones):

play in a symphonic orchestra
play in a musical orchestra (in the pit)
writer

even though it is not an instrument i play i always dream of being super proficient at some string instrument, either the violin or the cello. if i were a part of some organized music performance troupe a string instrument is my instrument of choice

newfound love for my piano. i've had it for almost 14 years now. just a simple, black yamaha. don't know how many hours i've spent on it but i love it. i remember the piano tuner coming to the house. after an annoying hour of him hitting the same note and tweaking it so slightly i couldn't even register the difference, he would spend about a half hour playing something awesome. piano tuners are always such brilliant players. it was really a treat every time, i remember always being shocked at how good he was. i remember piano lessons on it, i remember hating it at one point, so afraid of taking my practical test in grade 5 that i gave up lessons completely. but i cannot imagine giving up my piano. the keys have yellowed a little bit and dust collects on the top of it but it works just fine, suffers abuse at my fingers and doesn't complain. this video was so sad, like the man said, i can't believe people are throwing pianos away.

what is the attachment between a person and an instrument? it is never the case that something you once loved stops playing music for you but rather you stop wanting to play music, isn't it?

my body hates me. today i felt a fraction of what people who are terminally ill must feel like. i skipped out on church early to go to the clinic to get medication for my ailment. of course i was 'scolded' for doing that, but my immediate thought was, why must i stay for a God who would do this to my body

i understand that is wrong and on hindsight of course i do not mean it in any sincere way, i was frustrated, but to be honest i was taken aback by what i said yet felt indignant that it wasn't wrong. even right now i find my frustration justified but the fact that it was my immediate thought still shocks me somewhat, i do not mean it, but this leads to my other gripe

my sister said, don't leave, it's rude. i said to whom, and she said, to the church, to the speaker and to God. then i thought, if that is the reason she is staying she might as well get up and leave because to go to church out of respect and not out of love must fall under God's hated 'lukewarm' party, neither hot or cold, so there isn't a point in staying is there, not if you're just a benchwarmer

sounds like an anti-church post but it isn't, i was frustrated with a physical ailment and still am but i'm not crying anymore

i wish i could saturate my blood with medication, till the veins beneath my skin turn the color of science. i'm tired of letting my body do its work, it's slow and inefficient, nowadays i appreciate medicine with a wide open embrace, thank you God for inventing medicine

that's not blasphemous, science and religion are not contradictory
in fact they are complementary

taken with the olympus EP-3

the days get better sometimes

taken with a lomo lc-a+
35mm film

film cameras are risky because you may always end up taking nothing useful or worthy at all. out of 36 shots i only got maybe around 26 or 27. but i like them, the grain, the blur. it makes everything look like a dream, which is the way i feel sometimes, like i never really went through it at all