what annoys me: teachers who act like they really detest being there and teaching us. also, lousy teachers. today our substitute econs tutor was acting as if she hated everyone in the room, she hated teaching, and that tutorial was a waste of her time. she was a lousy teacher too; merely giving answers and not really explaining. that's why I don't understand why they put these people in charge, people with no real teaching qualifications or no real passion. because I unwillingly teach tuition, I can spot certain things that teachers do to make time pass quicker/slack off/etc. like delaying off the next question to the next tutorial because it'll "run over time", so the class ends up ending early instead. or assuming that an explanation is understood then zooming on even though it wasn't very clear. AND, accents. I'm not against anyone with an accent, but how do we learn if we can't even understand what the tutor is saying?

otherwise, today was one of the days I can file away as "delightfully fun." swimming with gus in the afternoon, a nice nap, dinner with my family. I can also file it away as "full of procrastination." in the morning after that horrible tutorial I camped in the library and studied for awhile, which ended with my upper arm being a cushion for my weary head to sleep. when I woke up, Gus was in school with Kl and Yijie so I introduced them to ayam panggang, yum :) I love post-ORD Gus so much more than before haha 

another agent of procrastination: been re-watching videos from soccer season time in j1 & j2. 

wondering where all the good days have gone and where the closeness has dissipated to 

wondering who ignited the match and lit that bridge on fire 

wondering if it was just the increasing friction of 

worlds and lives on the brink of change that gave birth to 

an unfortunate spark

on a last note, I miss the way my fingers used to run easily over the keys of a piano. "lost in the music" is cheesy but accurate. the days where I could play for hours and still have something new to play. nowadays I sit down and my fingers feel awkward. I play for 10 minutes and I've run out of things to play. I try to compose something new and feel disgusted. but for 10 minutes, still, it feels good. I should try to play more.

at one time in my life, all I wanted to do was to show up at 6pm every night at an established hotel and play on a grand piano, taking requests from people until the restaurants and bars switched off their lights and cleaned their glasses. I imagined that people would come up to me and ask "do you know this song?" and I would, and I'd play it for them. I decided this when I once saw a pianist and a violinist play an instrumental of 'Let It Be' in Japan. think I almost cried. at that time, didn't care that it probably wouldn't pay much, but it sounded like such a brilliant plan to pursue. of course I wasn't good enough, and probably never will be. but nowadays I'm not so idealistic anymore. people need money. and stable careers. also, there are always better pianists.