I don't like feeling... disappointed. or let down. when you've invested so much into a certain thing in your life, and it turns out that the outcome is going to be nothing like what you thought. it's a part of your life you're never getting back. I hate feeling like I've put in all this effort, forced myself into so much optimism, telling myself 'I am the exception, not the rule' only to be facing ever murky waters. I think I've lost a lot, a large part my own doing of course, but I wish there was at least some comfort there. some sort of reassurance that yes, you've lost a lot, but it's alright. something on the horizon will be all worth it. but I don't get that at all, and if anything I hate helplessness, or irretrievable losses. sometimes I just want to get away from myself. seriously leave everything about me behind, find happiness inhabiting the existence of someone or something much less complicated