in the moment i don't realize but
when my fingers tremble and my heart pounds
furiously in defiance of perceived injustice
when the little things become mountains
and the reality becomes molehills
when the tears drip and i feel
the edges of my mouth pull downwards as if by gravity
when my body snaps into a fetal position
the way you'd snap a glowstick to release light
(similarly i shut my eyes and all the light leaves)
and there's almost a ferocity in the way my fists form
a pulsing in my muscles and in my blood
to turn this anger and hurt into physical pain
that i can punch out of my body immediately

in the moment i don't realize but
when that happens, the way
your voice softens like the beginning of a sonata
the way your arms pull me in tight
the way you say, 'i'm sorry, i'm sorry'
even though you've done nothing wrong
the way you kiss my forehead
again and again and again
tell me it's alright
tell me there's nothing wrong
tell me i'm going to be okay

in the moment i don't realize but
in retrospect
i now realize that's
almost true