i think i'm ok because i try not to think about it, try not to think about the emptiness at the end of my fingers or the gigantic hole in my stomach or my blue-black heart or the way my feet drag ever so slightly, or how crunchy leaves don't crunch under my boots and the cold pierces my clothes more than it should. but if there is even a lapse in my conscious effort to forget it then the void widens like a growing sinkhole and suddenly there's only the floor for me to hug, how much i miss you is the amount of extra hours i spend sleeping because i don't want to experience missing you, at least in my dreams we can touch

'a person who sleeps a lot is very lonely'

i sleep so much nowadays

it's silly but it's real

my home is in your bones

which part of me is supposed to grow? my static state is growing bigger than my body. i feel like soon i will lose all physical shape and become simply a directionless, aimless, static aura that scares people away

just thought about the time gus & i were skyping and a man in the corridor burped so loudly that gus heard it

'on the horizon':
london
brighton
geneva
interlaken
bruges
edinburgh
lisbon??? maybe
family
gus
gus
gus