i've been thinking about how powerful names are... i hate this girl called *** and so if your name is *** i'm going to think you are a downright fucker and there's no way around it. i will be suspicious of you forever despite your good qualities and your redeeming characteristics. just because of your name. that is something that i do i can't help it

lately i've been playing a lot of counter strike i think the violence helps me get some of my anger out. although mostly i try to play with better people online and they are very very good. it takes my mind off things, makes me less stressed out. they say overthinking ruins everything, i think it's true

last night i had a bad dream, a horrible nightmare. i woke up with my heart aching so i switched rooms, shut my eyes and had another nightmare. doesn't it suck when nightmares are not about pirates making you walk the plank or a terrorist killing you, but rather about the very real, probable things that happen in your life, the little things you're paranoid about happening when you're awake, about the very real, and all the more scary fears you have in life? i'd rather dream about a violent, gruesome death by decapitation ordered by an alien from mars than what i dreamt of last night. when you have nightmares you don't sleep at all. and you remember them. that's the worst.