sometimes I sit curled up in bed, and the wind is ripping
ripping at the windows and the awnings, it slams
my dog right up to the glass door, pawing and clawing to be let in
and i can hear the first drops of rain. they fall
like the low tide recedes, slowly, lightly, comforting
and then more, and more, faster, faster, heavier
the sounds increasing, the awning unwillingly searched
the wind pushing its way through its pores, the awning
moaning and whining like an airplane taking off
every now and then the sepulchral sound of what seems to be
rock or metal scraping against itself, opening tomb doors,
thrown into itself by the gusts

everywhere it lashes. it is night time. i go down and let the dog in.
she shakes gratefully, from her little brown head to her little brown paws.
listening to the sounds standing in the living room, i know i am scared
perhaps i am quite confident that this is not a horror movie lookalike,
perhaps i am scared that suddenly the walls will cave in, the water
flowing in mercilessly, gulping, climbing, pushing everything into itself
my family, my dog, my house, destroyed. and that is scarier than
imagining a man with a chainsaw outside the window, because maybe
i can stop that. maybe. but a flood, or glass landing on top of people,
squashing, the rain pelting down to secure it, or people with feet steeped in water
a single strike of lightning. things like that. i don't think i can help that.

and these days, these things get worse while my reaction becomes
more instinctive -- to worry, to fret. to pray my hardest that nothing
is wrong. my family is safe, my friends are safe, my dog is safe. even now,
in daytime, the wind is blowing, what some would call "a nice breeze"
despite its cooling properties, it is lightly moving some pieces of metal
laid upon the scaffolding outside the house. where workers
scramble up and down the huge structure, underneath lightly moving
pieces of metal. i am worried, as usual, again.

i do not remember a time in the past two years where i wasn't.
and when was it like this, to be worried all the time? all the fucking time?