I don't like to think I'm a feminist. It sounds dirty, or tainted, like I'm a killjoy, a lesbian tomboy who hates men, enjoys shouting random things and being really aggressive. I don't think I am a feminist, but I do have strong opinions on a woman's role in society. I hate the fact that we live in a patriarchy and that men get the final say. I hate that so many women in influential positions give in to the male demand for sex, sex and more sex. I hate that you can hardly find boys who genuinely see women beyond their boobs and their asses, their abilities to cook and clean, how good of a fuck they are.

I hate that I look in the mirror and consciously think, I am not the sexy woman that I must be to be accepted by society. I hate that my self esteem has become dictated by the whims and fancies of men, especially when so many of them in positions of power are despicable low lifes.

I don't know what I want? I can't imagine a world where there is no pressure on women to be sexual, or to be domesticated. In the past while women weren't exactly sexualized they were essentially like servants, people with no rights. Now some women have rights but we have become sexualized, and sexual objectification has carved out a mould for women, outside of which we must certainly be ugly, dull and unfuckable. I constantly antagonize over this issue. I wonder if I spoke out more about it, if people would hate me.

I think everybody has a set of moral values/principles upon which they operate. I never thought that one of mine would be that of female empowerment, but over the past few months I've come to realize that it really is. If Gus were to turn out to be that kind of guy who trivializes and marginalizes the utility of a woman to the home, or the kind of guy who constantly demeans women with sincerity, I think I couldn't be with him. Some women can tolerate bigoted husbands. I once heard my friend tell me that her mum told her, "As a woman, just be quiet. You have to learn to tolerate. That is how you make a marriage work." and I couldn't believe it. How can some women live like that? I don't think I could.

I like this quote:

"I, myself, have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is. I only know that people call me a feminist when I express sentiment that differentiates me from a doormat or a prostitute."
-- Rebecca West