i wrote this on my tumblr:

'i wonder how vs models feel knowing they are the source of anorexia worldwide
probably just relieved that they're skinny
i hate it when they say 'you just have to love yourself for who you are' because obviously they fucking love themselves. i wish one of them got fat and ugly just so they could think about being more realistic in their marketing'

and then i read it, and then i wrote this:

'i think i'm quite a bitter person actually. i cloak my unhappiness in fake content or false superiority complexes. i wonder if deep down i am actually tremendously unhappy with the world. sometimes i can't access that place if it exists. sometimes i feel like i really have no problems, but i wonder if that is a problem'

i feel like i hate the fortunate and love the unfortunate and i feel like i place myself somewhere in the middle. sometimes i think i have too much and sometimes i think i'm entitled to more. i'm bitter about not having enough and outraged about having more than others. on one hand i think i am much more compassionate than other people but on the other hand i think i am also much more selfish than these same people. has that led to an equilibrium in which i don't see anything as truly problematic or truly harmful? i balance my excesses with my frugality, like parallel streets that both reach one destination. is this good or bad? confused