Today I went to school and met some new people. we are going to be Russia's defence ministry for our class simulation exercise of the six party talks, although after reading up on it, I think all other countries besides the US and North Korea (ie South Korea, Japan, Russia and China) are relatively irrelevant. Relatively. So... I think much of it will actually be spent listening to US and NK battle it out

Otherwise, the situation in Egypt is escalating to quite worrying proportions. The US embassy has chartered flights for American citizens to leave, while many Egyptians and other tourists desperate for a flight out have jammed up the operations of commercial airlines. Lots of looting, some destruction at the Egyptian museum, over 100 deaths, police cars and headquarters, as well as that of the government's have been set alight. The police force have withdrawn, creating a security vacuum which the locals have stepped in to fill. They argue that the government is allowing anarchy to reign so that the people will ask for the government to return, to reinstate stability. So they must make sure it doesn't reach such a point by taking security into their own hands. Despite the presence of the army, protestors are not mollified because they see the army as a backing rather than an opposing force... and Mubarak's still chillin' his 82-year-old self out, seated a new cabinet, like 'HEY HEY HEY this what chu want fools' that basically did NOTHING to please protestors, who probably replied with a huge 'FCK NO BITCH'  

Only a matter of time, or...?

Funny huh. You read about these things but you feel so completely distant from it. It's honestly a good measure of how safe we are here. It's practically nothing you can even relate to a little bit. You can't sense the fear, nor the passion, nor the anger, nor the tension. I wouldn't put it down to a distance issue, but rather the fact that we are cushioned on all sides by the silver spoon. Although Singapore has its own issues to deal with, if you just set aside problems with the PAP or with the culture or ANYTHING for that matter, and just look at your life as a Singaporean -- sitting in a bed, under a roof, eating ice cream and crying because Torres is leaving Liverpool -- you're pretty damn blessed

Things to do soon:
+ buy cranberry juice to drink everyday
+ figure out what the last three lects on foreign diplomacy was about
+ compile French notes
+ print a frickin huge pile of notes
+ bring car for servicing

I ate Burger King today. Have been on quite a successful fried food diet, so today will be that 'once in awhile' moment. I have given up on the idea that exercise does ANYTHING to help you lose weight -- it is overrated and inaccurate. In my two years of playing soccer three to four times a week, I put on more weight and looked bigger than I have in my entire life. Once training stopped I lost 5 kg so YEAH sports is for fun ONLY

last night we skipped to Butter Factory to paint the town red... some people painted the floor with puke. opened a bottle of Belvedere and finished it by 1230am. does that take long? there was only four of us girls, and two guys later on. whatever it is, I was pretty buzzed hahaha so was everyone else. a lot of laughing going on. we bounced around between bump and fash because the music wasn't bad on either side... I don't need like 'OMG this is such fcking good music' I just need something to dance to! which both sides had so I didn't mind either. my brother was so caring and annoying, he was at fash with his friends but he kept messaging me to ask where I was so he could check on me hahahahaha but when I went to find him at fash, Nicole just gave me another drink LOL

anyway Gus was there too and although I started out more high than him, eventually he hit that bit where you just can't walk on your own anymore. and sooooo the night ended early for us at 3+, I stumbled into a cab with him and brought him home. I was better by then so I had to help him up and stuff, I WAS STRUGGLING!!! he's like a baby when he's high, damn cute. he held onto the railings outside his house, at the corridor while I opened the gate and the door, then when I turned around, he had managed to puke a little bit down his shirt. I totally laughed it was so funny cos his face was so confused.

okay yeah I don't feel too good now but I don't regret also because it's good training for my tolerance! when I go to Bristol I think drinking will come a lot more frequently. not because I want to, but because I think it's just the socially accepted norm and activity. even if they're not in the clubs, they're in the bars and stuff...

in other news, I finally got 'Hard Truths to Keep Singapore Going'! I've been wanting to read it for a long time... since last friday. haha. I read some reviews, they said they were 'neither new nor hard truths' which makes me sad. but I'm going to read it anyway... after this headache wears off

goodbye

obviously besotted with iTouch photography apps *.* a godsend for people like me who have no inclination towards photography as an art. it's like I'll take a picture and go "OOOOH so vintage" *happy*

Gus has started working so this is what he wears everyday. since yesterday he migrated from long-sleeved shirts to short-sleeved shirts because it started to get too hot for him. now he looks like he drives a taxi. it's very cute, I like taxi uncles that are cute 

otherwise I feel like I really need to start engaging my brain more... need to stop allowing myself to drift and diverge off trains of thought. I think it's pretty important: if you train your brain to be on task all the time, you train your ability to quickly focus on something and stay on point. so if I'm thinking about how a lecture was this thing or that thing, I have to complete my thought about it, and not randomly think about what to eat or what to wear tomorrow. 

french at 10am, european politics at 12pm. tuition at 2.30 at starbucks. two hours spent in a starbucks? brings me back to A level days... more than two hours of course... then cny shopping with my mom and my sister at Vivo :) haven't bought anything for cny yet! I am a big fan of new-everything-for-cny because that means I get all new things and my mom will pay for it. who wouldn't like it!!! but yes, then maybe Butter at night for some good, clean fun dancing with friends. long day, time to sleep 

feels like there is this constant motion of change. big change. swirls of change whipping my hair across my face. I turn in the other direction to try and reverse it. nothing happens.

went to see the new house with my family yesterday. the house is 6 years old. the current family living there is moving back to Australia. imagine how many memories that house holds, and it's still beautiful. I took pictures of my room and was pleased with its dimensions because there's more space than I thought. when I leave I want to have two rooms, one here and one there that I can feel comfortable and loved in. difficult, but I think it'll take a lot more than 'wanting'. to have a room feel homely to a person there must be that sense of connectedness with the people who walk in and walk out of it. everyday I log onto thestudentroom and I look at the forums, see people who got into the same course as me, smile and think, maybe maybe maybe we'll be good friends and he/she can walk in and out of my dorm room (someone on TSR said "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THEY'RE NOT DORMS, THEY'RE HALLS OF RESIDENCES!!! WE'RE NOT IN THE U.S.!!!") and make it feel like home

can't wait to leave, but a million things to resolve before I go. feels like there's an endless buzzing in my head, a thousand voices yelling out problems that are unsolved, things that could go wrong, 'whether-or-not's. can't stand it, wish I could leave in peace

lately I have been struggling with making myself more apparent to the rest of the world. I have been feeling frustrated with becoming a little bit of a wallflower, of being forgotten by teachers, of walking around like a ghost to other people. my idea is that I must be more outspoken, have more controversial ideas, suggest more outrageous things that will make people go, 'wow this girl is really different' because to me there are no perks to being a wallflower. nobody is going to succeed that way. nobody remembers you and that is detrimental to one's future.

and I've been thinking that for a long time, striving to make people remember my name, my face. but I'm slowly coming to realise that that's a very materialistic, extremely human way of looking at things. it is foolish in ideology, desperate in methodology and most of all, selfish in nature. I came across this quote that struck me as the proper way to doing things:

Don't try to be different.  Just be good.  To be good is different enough.

- Arthur Freed

I will try to live by that.

can't wait to read LKY's new book. it's freaking long, like 430+ pages but I want to read it. I wonder if he's being as honest as he can be, because truth is you'll never know if he's still hiding some things. but it's called 'hard truths' I guess I really just want to read some truths. ALTHOUGH, I don't know why they got all Singaporean, straits times journalists to do the interviews... sigh they should have gotten a mix! if you're a Singaporean, you're probably scared. foreign journalists might have been more hard-hitting, less afraid of asking the taboo, all this with no apologies. and straits times journalists... aren't they really just the mouthpiece of the PAP anyway... the more I think about it the less I feel the book will have some real truths

but also, I just read a quote via TOC, it was in one of the comments:

We all respect the Nobel Peace Prize. Most winners deserve the prizes they get. Nobel Prizes by and large reflect the western world view. The winners in Asia are never leaders who brought great change. The man that did more good than anyone was Deng Xiaoping. When he came to power 800 million people were living on less than one dollar a day. Thirty years later on after the results of his reforms, 200 million lived on less than one dollar a day. Six hundred million people were lifted out of poverty.

Will he ever get a Nobel Peace Prize? Never. Because of the western world view that the prize must be given to dissidents in Asia. Aung San Suu Kyii. The former leader of Korea. What has Obama brought? Where is the peace in Iraq? In Afghanistan? How can you give him a Nobel Peace Prize? He is a wonderful guy but he has achieved nothing. Deng Xiaoping saved 600 million people and he will never get a Nobel Peace Prize. That’s why it is important to step outside the western world view.

said by Kishore Mahbubuani, Dean of NUS' LKY School of Public Policy. like WOW that is just... I don't even know. unfair? although Deng Xiaoping has done wondrous things for China, how can you award the Nobel PEACE Prize to someone responsible for the Tiananmen massacre? what it is is a fear of disrupting the holy alliance with China, but to dispute even Aung San Suu Kyi's prize is insanity. the problem is that we are so small that we cannot afford to tread the toes of pretty much ANYONE. I wonder if LKY talks about Aung San Suu Kyi in the book. would it be shocking if he didn't approve of her? probably not

feel like I am finally settling into a good block of learning. I went for French and enjoyed myself. I went for European politics, sat nearer to the front and paid attention. learnt new things and it feels good. that's how I want to always feel when I sit in a lecture, like I am absorbing, like I don't want to constantly rush out of there just to feel like my time isn't being wasted (*SEA studies*). so that's good. I like our French lecturer a lot, today he said when you learn a new language, you aren't merely learning syntax - it is learning a whole new culture, a whole new world, and that's what makes language beautiful. he's a stickler for originality - cheese with French names MUST be from France or they will taste like shit, same goes with fake wine from Australia bearing Italy's flag.

also, eau de vie literally translates into 'water of life', but in French it means pure alcohol. HAH wow

at night I met Gus and we went to eat super good dimsum at Jalan Besar. I ate so much I was close to puking. then he sent me home and we lay in bed. I told him about all the thoughts I'd been having, all the feelings of inferiority, all the concerns that had been plaguing me so badly the past few days. I told him about incidents that made me really upset. he was quiet while I spoke on and on. when I finished telling him about how inadequate I feel in school, or in general, he said simply "you know none of that is true." while it doesn't exactly suffice in quelling my emotions, it is a reassuring thing to say, that at least ONE person, one person who matters, doesn't think I am a failure

and ever since I could drive, I've realised why children reaching the legal age to drive is such a worry. when Gus drives off every night I cannot be at peace until he tells me he's home. I want to bombard him with messages telling him to drive safely, but I don't want him to be distracted while he drives. someone like Gus makes me worry that much, imagine how much more your own child would worry you.

things to happen soon:
1. lecture by thomas friedman on monday
2. cny
3. valentine's day
4. eagles concert
5. hopefully get selected to go watch the parliamentary budget debate