Results in 9 hours. Sigh I think I should tell myself that I'm going to do really badly. So hopefully when my results come out they will be above my expectations haha... dear god, the thought process of a potential university failure. I haven't been nervous about it because I've been busy moving, packing, etc. But right now it's hitting me... I want to bury my face already and I haven't even seen them yet. Don't know how I'm going to fall asleep tonight.

You're making me angrier by the minute. Or my period is coming.

Tonight there is a very big match on, Manchester United vs Barcelona for the champions league final and it is a huge deal to everybody who is an avid soccer fan, esp if you're fans of either Man U or Barca. So I am a Man U fan, or was... perhaps I am not worthy of the label "fan" because I don't watch matches religiously like I used to last time. At one point I really loved everything to do with soccer! But I'm sure it was infatuation and it died out, and now I only watch big matches. Or try to. Gus has been with me this whole day and we've been doing everything and anything, including pigging out at old airport road hawker center. Remember I said I needed quality time with him? Today was good for that :) But, after we fell into a comfortable and much desired snooze for about an hour, the alarm went off for us to leave the house to go watch the match happening in 45 minutes, and I couldn't... didn't want to leave my bed. Haha. Lazy as usual, but it also negates many logistical problems that would happen if I went. I think Gus would like me to stay home even though he won't say it to my face. Guys just like to be around guys and do guy things without having to be hindered by a girl. Most of the time.

Even then I'm trying to find a way to stream the match online because I just like to feel like part of all this excitement haha. In any case I hope Man U wins! And then I hope Rooney replies Gus on twitter because Gus would cry and I'd like to see that.

This morning I gave my dog a bath. She scrambled and scratched and attempted to wriggle out of my grip but I was determined to make her smell better. At one point, she was sopping wet and managed to slip out of my grasp, and she totally ran for it. I sprinted after her and caught her hind leg as she bounded up the stairs. Against my will I had to carry her, all wet, pressing against my chest, back down to the hose to be cleaned. Nobody gets out of these things dry. Next time I am just going to wear my bikini and then hop in the pool after I'm done with her. When she does that progressive body shake to shake water off it makes me smile.

Gus has been over everyday for the past four days. But I'm always so busy or he's always so tired and ends up taking super long naps that we hardly spend any solid quality time together, unless we go swimming for like an hour. Feel like I need to just chill with him, sit and talk. Thankfully all the unpacking is winding down and he just finished his last day of work. So we'll have more time to spend together doing things we wanna do. Miss him a lot.

At the moment though I'm so damn tired. I still have to go grocery shopping, then I'm gonna come home and crash. Other than that my dad and I have been playing chinese chess for no good reason other than we're really lousy against the AI. This morning I asked my mom where my dad was and she said he went to work, and I felt my heart constrict and my beating get a little faster. I guess it's because he's been the glue holding everyone together this whole time and it makes me nervous to know he's not around to handle something.

The once empty house now looks like a home. My room is a huge mess, massive boxes opened with things spilling out. Haven't got my shelves so it's hard to put most of the things away. Otherwise, since moving in yesterday I've already gone swimming twice, took a nice bath twice, slept like a pig once, walked Meelo thrice, unpacked my things with limited success twice. Since my sister is gone, whatever trash I don't want I dump in her room, hehe. Yesterday the movers all worked so hard, I felt so bad because I know they don't earn much. They had a problem moving one of the cupboards into my aunty's room, and they had to lean out halfway over the banister to maneuver it!!! I was so scared I really couldn't even watch, I was so afraid one of them would fall. But everything's moved in now! All that's left is to unpack the tons of boxes sitting around randomly, which is actually the really hard part.

I really like it. I'm having fun so far and I haven't even been doing much. Yay

BUT, I'm breaking out from all the stress and work of moving house. On my face. Ugh it happens so rarely for me that I get very depressed when it does. At one point of my life, I think up until J2 I had never, ever, ever gotten a zit on my face and I was so damn relieved that my skin is naturally like that. But then recently it's happened more often than I'd like SO ANGRY WITH MY SKIN. Although I really hate popping zits I think it's really disgusting to do that so I don't, which I guess is good because then I don't leave scars. And my zit cream is hidden somewhere in all these massive boxes!!! Ugh is it very disgusting that I'm talking about this? I don't care. At least Gus doesn't care either, hehe <3

leaving

Last night in my current house. Tomorrow we're moving to the old house and I was never really sentimental about it, but I'm starting to be now. I'd like to believe that a house isn't a home, and that the people who create memories in a house create that home. And since everybody is moving together I'm quite sure we'll be able to make our new house a great home. But even then, I have a lot of memories from this house that are quite precious to me I suppose. We got Meelo when we first moved here, we've had lots of fun parties, Gus & I have some pretty awesome memories here too. So honestly, I'm quite sad to be leaving... sad to have to let go of something that has been a huge part of my life. Everything from learning the roads to drive to school and back, from Gus's house and so on, all the way down to the roof outside my window that you could sit on and just chill. I'm excited to move but there's definitely some sadness here.

Otherwise, everybody please pray for my grandpa :( He's very old and the other day his gout acted up so his foot got swollen and he couldn't walk. Now he's in a wheelchair. He has to sleep on the sofa downstairs because he can't climb the stairs so we brought mattresses downstairs, blankets, pillows, etc. He also fell down today and scraped his arm, so it's all bandaged up to stop the bleeding now. It really breaks my heart to see him in such a condition but he's strong and he doesn't complain. The most I can do is sit down with him, play a game of Othello, try to keep his mind active. But yeah. Hopefully in the new house he'll be happier because he'll be able to go swimming. The new house is mostly for my grandparents to enjoy, that was my dad's rationale, so I really hope they do. So yes please pray that he'll continue to be in good health!!!

Anyway last Sunday there was a really great message in church by this guy, I don't even remember his name anymore, but it was really good and I think maybe I will try to talk about it soon. I'll try. It's gonna be a hectic few days but really praying that everything goes smoothly :)

Sooooooo I may have watched almost the entire season two of Undercover Boss in two days. It's such a great show!!! I don't even know how many times I ended up tearing at the end of the episode. But honestly, it's a really great reality TV show for a change. It's refreshing, it's something new, and it gives back. Kind of. It's really, really awesome and I think everybody should go watch it! My favourite episodes are MGM Grand, UC Riverside & Hooters. GO WATCH. I'm watching the City of Cincinnati one now. I think it's really awesome, the whole concept of sending the big people to mingle with the little ones, and really get in touch with the ground and get a feel of the trouble that always brews bottom up, see what's affecting their businesses. And I love that they did one for a city, because if anything Singapore is run quite analogous to a company. Unfortunately I think this can't really pan out for Singapore just because everybody who is in charge of running this place would be recognized in a heartbeat. But I think you could set them on specific jobs that would really give them a sense of Singaporean problems (off the top of my head I'm thinking taxi drivers, hawker center owners, primary school teachers, cleaners). Then again, ministers will always expect that people are unhappy. Sometimes I watch the show and I feel that the CEOs are genuinely surprised that there's discontent on the ground, as if they have assumed for the longest time that everybody is happy working for them. But even though a country can be run like a company, it isn't one. It isn't merely about making profit, it's about doing that and finding a way to redistribute it, to minimize income gaps, to balance wages, to cultivate culture and environment, to groom children with education. There is a huge social aspect to it that a company doesn't really focus on as much, and so ministers always know to expect discontent. I think because of that they become a little desensitized to the real severity of everyday problems, they think it's something people just gotta deal with but that's not true.

Okay I'm done feeling excited about the show. It's really great!!!!! Good reality TV is hard to find, and this is one of them. Happy :)

While packing I found my old gameboy, my trusty Fire Red Pokemon cartridge still in it, and so I've been playing for hours and hours and the most depressing thing just happened. I was unprepared to face Articuno and he's gone, and I don't have him, and I didn't save it at any point near to meeting Articuno and I'm unwilling to retrace all those steps!!! Ugh seriously depressed I feel so frustrated. I can't do anything now except do my best to catch Zapdos and Moltres and I WON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES. Yes I know I am 20 this year shut up I have defeated the elite four once and I will do it again

Otherwise it's about 4 more days to the move, and I just can't wait for everything to be over! There's too much random crap sitting around all over the house waiting to be shifted, and I'm so sick of blowing my nose so much because of all the dust that has arisen from unearthing lots of shit from long, long time ago. Packing was such a hassle, I promise to do regular cleans from now on so as to never have to go through this again.

Last night I didn't sleep... stayed up until 5am, went downstairs, Gus came over at 5.10am and off we went to the airport to send my sister off to Cambodia for 10 days. She's going for the usual OCIP trip. I've been thinking about it, also thinking about what some people have said about it -- OCIP is useless for the children in third world countries. You build a library, you teach them English, bla bla... for two weeks? That is to be honest not going to benefit them in the least. The point of OCIP is more to benefit you than to benefit them. It's to expose spoilt little Singaporean teenagers to the devastating plight of their neighbors, to instill in them compassion for the less fortunate. It is definitely not to enhance their lives for good. That is a huge, huge irony I think and I can't decide if that's good or bad. I suppose it's good, at least someone benefits. But I keep thinking perhaps we should start doing things for the kids in more tangible ways, rather than a two week crash course in English by 14 year olds. You can bring food over, clothes over, toys, etc. You can bring some legit books that will help them. I don't understand why there always has to be a skit...? Or something??? Why can't it just be some Singaporean teenagers sitting around, talking to the kids and hanging out? And you'll still be impacted even if you didn't do all this pretentious shit, teach English or paint their library walls. (my eyes are literally rolling right now) Isn't it odd?! It's a "mission" trip, a trip to do charity work, but in essence it is one that is extremely selfish and self-serving. Doesn't mean it's bad, you're being selfish in a good way, to educate and inform yourself. But it makes it worse because we already are informed. We see images on TV, on the Internet, look at pictures and videos of starving children, etc etc. And we assume that what they *really* need are colourful walls. COME ON. Seriously? In any case I also don't think that two weeks is sufficient to ingrain in young people the need to be more considerate, more compassionate, more thoughtful of others who have less. Not at all. The first few days they came back they feel drenched in epiphanies of life and others, give it a week or so and they'll be back at the malls, hooked onto f21.com or some shit. And it's just the sad reality that we all have to accept.

If you want to do charity work you must commit to be there for 6 months, a year, two years. One day I want to do that, live somewhere else for a few months each time and help with food distribution, or teach people music for fun, help out in hospitals or help build homes. And there are organizations that do that, so I give props to them. Major, major props (Y)